


Group unity by muggle phone

by Mrs_Poncey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Bossy Pansy, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fun, Hogwarts Inter-House Unity, M/M, Matchmaker Pansy Parkinson, Messing with Draco, Muggle Phones, Muggle Pictures & Emoji, Pictures of young Draco, Sarcasm, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_Poncey/pseuds/Mrs_Poncey
Summary: For Muggle studies, every seventh year Hogwarts student gets a muggle phone. McGonagall calls it House unity; Pansy calls it a blackmail opportunity. Draco, however, is less impressed, and Blaise, well he is just along for the ride.Taking House unity in spirit, Pansy reaches out to muggle know all, and Hogwards killer hunk, Harry Potter, to teach her the ways of creative chatting.Is it her fault she 'accidentally' forgot Harry Potter was still in that chat? Of course not, just as it isn't her fault she 'accidentally' sends a picture of a half-naked Draco to PotterShe can't be bothered with silly boy's and their crushes. She is the Queen of darkness and damnation after all.





	1. The one where Poncey got upset.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, This is a text/chat type of story. I hope to convey their journey with only that simple tool. I'm very new to the site here; I'm struggling with getting a proper chat looking format. So I might edit it later if I find a more appropriate way.

 

 

* * *

  

  _Pansy created a group chat with Draco & Blaise._

**Pansy:**

Hello Poncey and Eye-candy.

**Draco:**

Excuse me?

**Blaise:**

Pans, really? We got these phones five minutes ago. You’re across the common room for fuck's sake.

**Draco:**

Lazy wrench.

**Pansy:**

Keep sending these text things boy’s; my phone vibrates with each one I get.

**Draco:**

Salazar Pans! I amend my previous statement. You’re such a dirty wrench.

**Blaise:**

How do I get out of here?

**Pansy:**

Oh, Draco you love it, and you know it. Blaise, you just don’t leave.

 

_Pansy changed Draco’s name to Poncey._

**Poncey:**

The fuck Pans! How did you do that? Change it back!

**Pansy:**

I created the group, my rules!

**Blaise:**

It's my favorite time of day, mess with Draco hour! I'm in!

 

_Pansy changed Blaise’s name to Hotstuff._

**Hotstuff:**

HA, take that Poncey!

**Poncey:**

Pansy change my name at once before I hex your breast into A cup’s!

**Pansy:**

Oh you party pooper!

 

_Pansy changed Poncey’s name to Poncey-Ponce._

**Pansy:**

There I changed your name.

**Poncey-Ponce:**

Mature Pans, very mature.

**Hotstuff:**

What do you do when you laugh in these things? Feels stupid to write haha.

**Pansy:**

Dunno yet.

**Poncey-Ponce:**

I see you Blaise, stop laughing like a kneasle in heat.

**Hotstuff:**

Sure thing Poncey- Ponce, anything for you.

**Poncey-Ponce:**

Pans, change my fucking name to Draco you blabbering Mandrake!

 

_Pansy changed the group name to, Sexy Slither Threesome._

**Poncey-Ponce:**

Fuck you, Pansy.

**Pansy:**

Draco sugar, take one up the arse and calm down.

**Hotstuff:**

Maybe he needs two? He seems rather tens from my point of view.

**Pansy:**

Hmmm, a half-giant dick might do the trick. I'll ask if Hagrid is free in 30.

**Hotstuff:**

HAHAHA.

**Pansy:**

You’re right, that looks stupid. Draco my bum-fluff, where did you go?

**Hotstuff:**

He threw his phone at Greg and stomped off to the bedrooms. Cute group name btw Pans. Is that a suggestion? –wiggles eyebrows-  

**Hotstuff:**

Damn, there’s got to be a better way in this texting stuff than just writing!

**Pansy:**

Oh how royal of him. I have an idea…

**Hotstuff:**

Am I going to like it?

**Pansy:**

Probably not.

**Hotstuff:**

Is Draco going to hate it more than me?

**Pansy:**

Oh yes…

**Hotstuff:**

Lead the way than my queen of damnation!

 

_Pansy added Harry P. and Hermione <3 Ron to Sexy Slither Threesome._

 

**Harry P.:**

Uh? Who’s this?

**Hotstuff:**

Pansy you just outdid yourself.

**Hermione <3 Ron:**

Pansy and Hotstuff? Why on earth are we here?

**Pansy:**

We need help with this texting thing. Hotstuff is Blaise.

**Harry P.:**

That makes sense.

**Hotstuff:**

You think I’m hot hé Potter?

**Harry P.:**

Eh, I meant the help with the new phones. But sure Blaise, I can gawk at your abs all day.

 

**Hermione <3 Ron:**

HARRY!

**Pansy:**

Best.first.chat.ever!

**Harry P.:**

Common Hermione! Live a little! 

 

**Pansy:**

How did you do that Harry! We just have words, and you have an eyebrow freak, muggle pictures, and Hermione has this weird thing between her name and the Weasel.

**Hermione <3 Ron:**

His name is Ron... 

**Pansy:**

I'll call him whatever the fuck you want if you show me how to do that!

 

_Hermione <3 Ron Left the group._

 

**Hotstuff:**

Way to go Pans! Ugh. We want to learn; I’ll pay in abs gawking privileges.

**Harry:**

DA classroom, third floor in 20 min. It will be empty. 

 

 

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but the mere idea of the story._

 


	2. The one were Draco is left speechless

 

* * *

 

Pansy changed Poncy-Ponce's name to BlondGit.

 

 **BlondGit:**  

Pansy its seven in the fucking morning. I'M SLEEPING! 

**Hotstuff:**

No, you're not. You're sitting on your bed. 

**BlondGit:**

Bite me, Blaise. I resent agreeing to share a room with you, you prick. 

**Pansy:**

Goodmorning my silver sunshine. How is the hair today? 

**Hotstuff:**

Horrible, have a look...

**BlondGit:**

Have a look were? What the fuck are you up to Blaise. You know Pans cant get up here. You remember the time Snape caught her in here. I will never get rid of the burned image of having Pansy's perky boobs and Snape's death glare all in one room.

**Pansy:**

We agreed to never EVER talk about that again. Ugh, still can't look Snape in the face.

**BlondGit:**

Serves you right you harpie. 

**Pansy:**

You say fuck allot. I reckon it has been a while. Draco darling, you should consider letting off some steam. Let's go out tonight and find a pretty boy to get you off. 

**Hotstuff:**

Hold on I almost got it!!

**BlondGit:**

What the hell are you on about Blaise, what are you doing flashing your phone around and why the fuck am I still talking to you via this stupid thing. 

**Hotstuff:**

This  

**Pansy:**

**BlondGit:**

HOW THE FUCK, BLAISE YOU TUMBLING ILLITERATE BAG OF BONES! How is this even possible? TAKE. IT. DOWN. NOW.

**Hotstuff:**

No cant do, once it out there, it's forever. 

Pansy changed Hotstuff's name to Blaise.

 

**Harry P.:**

Wel hello and good morning Slytherins. Nice to see some of you are up.  

**BlondGit:**

Potter? How is Potter in here? PANSY!

 **Pansy:**  

Ah, yes.... You were still here. I totally forgot. 

**Blaise:**

Suuuuure... 

**Harry P.:**

Can't say I regret staying after seeing that.

**BlondGit:**

Potter, you will forget this ever happened and get the fuck out. 

**Pansy:**

Stop being a douche, we know you like all the attention you poncey blond whore. 

Harry, I managed that wizard to muggle photo app you showed me! 

**Harry P.:**

Awesome, glad I could be of help.

**Blaise:**

She spend half the night going through her albums and mine. 

**Harry P.:**

Happen to have a picture of Snape's face when confronted with Pansy's 'perky boobs.' I would pay good gallions for that.

**BlondGit:**

Potter, astronomy tower, 3 pm. Don't you dare be late!

**Pansy:**

Oh, is it a date? Finally!

**Harry P.:**

Uh? Okay..

**Blaise:**

Don't bother, he threw his phone on his desk and left. 

**Pansy:**

Ah well, his loss. Blaise, do you remember when our pretty Draco went out all Harry style in muggle London?

**Harry P.:**  

Ah that my cue, I have class in less than 30. I'll talk to you all later...

**Blaise:**

Pancy you beautiful black soul. 

**Pansy:**

I aim to please. 

_Pansy changed the group's name to Sexy Draco._

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pictures are from Model: Lucky Blue.


	3. The one were it wasn't a date Pansy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudo's! It makes my little Drarry heart flutter.  
> I'm sorry it took longer than expected. My 10-year-old is a DT1, and we are currently in the hospital. As my son now sleeps next to me, and I'm not the type of person who sleeps well in a hospital, I had time for the next installment. Hope you enjoy! FYI, I don't have a Beta.

 

* * *

 

 _Pansy changed the_ group's _name from Sexy Draco too, What ya doin in the tower Draco?_

 

**Pansy:**

Draco, what ya doing to Potter you Slytherin snake? 

**Blaise:**

Get him you fabulous blond hippogriff.

**Pansy:**

Oh Blaise, so romantic. The first date on top of the astrology tower. Only every other student sins the dawn of Hogwarts has done it. So.special!

**Blaise:**

Well, the stars are out tonight Pans, and the night is cold. 

**Harry P.:**

Draco say's: 

**Blaise:**

See! I told you it was cold up there. 

**BlondGit:**

Blaise, I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

**Pansy:**

Aawwww, are we interrupting your big date smuggle bums?

**BlondGit:**

Why Pans, jealous? 

**Pansy:**

Oh Draco sugar, we all know you are dying for a bit of Pans. 

**BlondGit:**

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. And this IS NOT A FUCKING DATE! 

**Blaise:**

Ohw! That burns Pans. I would be careful what you say. I do remember a young little brunette crushing bad on our perfect moused blond. 

**Harry P.:**

Had Pansy a Draco crush? Oh, that is too cute! 

**BlondGit:**

She so did. I remember her staring at me all the time.

**Pansy:**

In your dreams. 

**Blaise:**

Exhibit A:

**Pansy:**

Seriously Blaise? You're asking for it! Don't trigger me you poised Git! I have plenty of scarcely dressed pictures of you!

 **Harry P.:**  

Ah, look at those cute little Slytherins. 

**BlondGit:**

Who are you calling Little Potter? I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel about that. And Pansy, HA fucking HA HA! 

**Harry P.:**

 Why don't you use what I just taught you? I thought that was the whole point of meeting me today. 

**BlondGit:**

Bite me, Potter.

 

 

_Pansy changed Blaise's name to PoisedGit._

 

**Harry P.:**

Anytime Draco

**PoisedGit:**

When did this shit change to 'mess with fucking Blaise' chat? 

 **Pansy:**  

Around the time you went against me. Your Queen of darkness and suffering. 

 

_Pansy changed BlondGit's name to Draco._

 

**Draco:**

**PoisedGit:**

Can do this all day Pans!

**Draco:**

One time Blaise, that was one FUCKING TIME. 

**Pansy:**

Go cuddle Snuffy Blaise!

**Harry P.:**

*Gets out the popcorn*

Hey! Where are those abs? 

**Draco:**

Oh do please allow me:

**PoisedGit:**  

When things are fine as fuck, they should be flaunted. 

**Pansy:**

Oh my, when was that? 

**Draco:**

Last summer. 

**Harry P.:**

It's getting hot in here: 

**Draco:**

POTTER! You better keep that tie on! There will be no Gryffindor clothes removed for Blaise! I won't stand for such madness! 

**Harry P:**

Oh really? 

 **Pansy:**  

Take it off Potter! Wooohooo

**PoisedGit:**

I can't!  This is too good. Draco is getting jealous over his own prank. Could not have done it better myself. 

 **Draco:**  

I'm NOT jealous! Malfoy's don't lower themselves to such standards. 

**Pansy:**

Ooooh, Harry! I'll show you Draco if you show me yours 

**Draco:**

Pansy Parkinson, Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

**PoisedGit:**

You did it now Draco...

**Harry P.:**

... Oops...

I swear, it just fell off! It wasn't me!

**Draco:**

Fucking boy-who-lived-but-shall-no-fucking-longer! 

 **Pansy:**  

One sometimes can find treasures sneaking into the boy's bathroom...

**Draco:**

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention FUCKING PANSY Morons.

**Harry P.:**

Draco, I never knew you had abs! This changes things, I need to wan... I mean think! ... 

**PoisedGit:**

And hello Harry Potter and his ab obsession. 

**Draco:**

Wait. What?

**Draco:**

What did you mean Potter? 

**Draco:**

What did you bloody mean by that Potter! 

**Draco:**

HARRY FUCKING POTTER! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!

**Pansy:**

I remain the undefeated Queen of damnation.

**PoicedGit:**

 

_Pansy changed the group's name from, What ya doin in the tower Draco? too Draco got Harry a hard-on._

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is like a tall cold glass of lemonade on a tropical summers day. Clenches thurst and makes you shiver all over.


	4. The time that Draco blew red.

 

 

_Pansy changed the group's name from, What ya doin in the tower Draco? to Draco got Harry a hard-on._

 

**Draco:**

Pansy you foul-mouthed tortoise. I'M GOING TO BED!

**Harry P.:**

Hey Draco, Can I ... Slytherin? 

**PoicedGit:**

I never thought I would see the day. Pansy, I believe Potter just surpassed your claim to the throne of darkness. 

**Pansy:**

That's it; I'm breaking and entering the boy's dorms. Firewhiskey on me! I gotta witness this shit live. 

**Draco:**

Potter, you're not Slytherin anywhere near this room! 

**Harry P.:**

**Draco:**

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

 

_Pansy changed Harry P.'s name to Hard H._

 

**PoisedGit:**

I'm going to magically print out this chat and hang it on the common room notifications board. 

**Pansy:**

Blaize my darling chocolate muffin, I'll get the printer on my way to the room. 

**Hard H:**

If there's firewiskey, I'm game. Whats the password to the Dungeons? 

**Draco:**

Potter, Sure I’ll help you out…the same way you came in. No Lions in a Snake Den, the end! 

**Hard H:**

You know, I was supposed to be a Snake. 

**Pansy:**

How, what? What do you mean Potter?

**Hard H:**

The hat sorted me into Slytherin, but I told him I wanted to be in Gryffindor.

**PoisedGit:**

So many things make sense now.

**Draco:**

You're shitting me...

Still, no fucking way Potter. You are not getting into this room. 

**Hard H:**

Hummmm, anyway I can convince you? 

**PoisedGit:**

Well, Draco has a similar ab obsession as you do Potter. Who know's. Throw in some "Boy-who-lived-sexy"... 

**Pansy:**  

Oooh, more naked Potter! Yes, we require an entrance fee Potter! 

**Draco:**

We need no such thing, as he will NOT get into this room! 

And I do not have an abb obsession!

**Hard H:**

Shall we test that theory? 

**Pansy:**

**Draco:**

Pansy, You’d be in good shape…if you ran as much as your mouth. That's it; I'm out. 

**Hard H:**

****

Good enough?

**PoisedGit:**

You left Draco speechless. You have my blessing young lion.

**Pansy:**

Well, that's that, Password is Viper Potter. 

**Hard H:**  

Be there in 10.

**PoisedGit:**

No need to rush. Draco is still staring at his phone.

 

_Pansy changed the group's name from, Draco got Harry a hard-on to Draco's turn for wood._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might just be incriminating evidence of a sudden drunken dorm party.
> 
> What could possibly happen with a drunk Harry and Draco with mutual ab obsessions ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is like a perfect doughnut one eats on a Sunday morning, in bed, after excruciatingly good sex.  
> Formatting suggestions are welcome too!


End file.
